Dating. For most of us, dating is a fun way to be social, meet new people, visit new places and create new relationships.
If we are the lucky ones, dating will ultimately lead to romance, marriage, babies, joint checking accounts, family vacations and the white picket fence.
But while some of us (like myself) are still out there in the dating world, there are many emotions and feelings that we come across when deciding to go out with someone new. Some are good emotions, some suck, some make you want to chew off your nails and pull out your hair.
I have a theory when it comes to dating. I have been in the wedding industry for over 7 years. In that time, I have seem and heard my fair share of good and bad dates. Some of them are hilarious and some are extremely romantic. But no matter how the initial first date goes, there are always the same feelings associated with meeting someone new. Nervousness, anxiousness, confusion, attraction, they are all mixed into to one big ball of sweaty-clammy messiness.
When a person is grieving, they say that there are 5 stages to dealing with pain:
1. Denial
2. Anger
3. Barganing
4. Depression
5. Acceptance
Each stage is characterized by what emotional level the person is at. If they are at the beginning of the process, the middle or even the end, it all depends on the person as to when he or she will go through each stage. We all deal with grief differently, but we all go through these steps to some extent.
Like grief, I believe there are 5 Stages to Dating.
I would like to share those stages with you.
The Lit Chick's 5 Stages of Dating Hell, or, It's either this or end up alone with 72 cats.
Stage 1: Attraction (or as I call it, the "Eye Candy," stage.)
What is the first thing we notice about the opposite sex? If you said anything else but looks you are lying. I hate to say it, but that is what we do. More times than not, our first initial attraction to someone is based on physical appearance. Now that might change once you get to know someone's personality, but not enough of us decide to see beyond the book cover. There has to be that first spark of interest. Now this leads to my second stage...
Stage 2: Uncertainty (or the "Dear God, I hope they don't have a RAP sheet," stage.)
Putting a name, a voice, and a personality to the face is both fun and awkward. You already know you are attracted to them physically, but if they end up being a total idiot that will more than likely ruin whatever charming features they have. To give you an example, I went out with this guy once who was attractive, polite, and seemed sincere. Yet during the date, he had no grasp on how to act in a social setting and, might I add, he also had no grasp on his drink. He proceeded to drink himself stupid, thinking that every drop of alcohol made him more irresistible. Little did he know...
It is the uncertainty of that first date that can drive a person crazy. Which leads to my next stage...
Stage 3: Over-Analyzing (or the "Why hasn't he called me back, yet?" stage.)
Did I get food in my teeth? Did I forget to use the napkin? Did I freeze up like a Miss America contestant during the interview question? All of these things AND MORE run through your head when the first date ends and you are dropped off at your door. For us girls, I say we have it worse. It is a little more nerve wracking for us ladies than for you gentlemen and it is very hard for us not to go...how can I put this delicately...batshit crazy.
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| "Hell, I'm not even that insane. Hat's off to you!" |
I cannot speak for my gender, but I can speak for myslef, and hell yes I over-analyze everything. From how fast he ate his dinner to how we looked together in the window of the restaurant, I dissect every part of the first few dates of a relationship. You drive yourself crazy, going in to sub-stages of the dating realm. You go from "If he never calls me, I will be heartbroken. No one will ever want me. I should just buy box wine and adopt cats," to "Screw him! It's his loss! Beyonce was right! All my single ladies put your hands up!" You go back and forth until you make yourself dizzy and depressed. Leading to my next stage...
Stage 4: Connection (or the "He finally called back!" stage.)
You survived the first date. He called asking for a second. You are prepared, relaxed, calm, cool and collected. There is less fear of rejection. You can breathe and laugh. He didn't take one look at you and run in the opposite direction. You may even let your guard down. You are able to make a better connection to one another. The awesome thing about this stage is that things are exciting. They're new. You get to wear your favorite outfits, try things you normally wouldn't do by yourself and get to know the person's likes, dislikes, quirks and ticks. Over the span of how ever many dates it takes you two, you hopefully become closer as friends first than lead into an exclusive relationship if things go that well!
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| You made that connection...that love connection! |
Stage 4 is my favorite stage. You have to get through the bad to get to the good. Stage 3 is shitty, but you have to get through it to get to Stage 4. You learn to laugh with one another, make memories and inside jokes. When I date in this stage, I act like I am seeing an old friend first. That helps to calm my nerves. If I think I am meeting an old High School friend for drinks I tend not to psych myself out like I would if I was thinking I'm meeting them for date # 4. You get comfortable. You get to be you.
Leading to my last and final stage...
Stage 5: Exclusivity (which is the "Table for 2" or the "Sitting in the tree," stage.)
Macy and Jake Gyllenhaal sitting in a tree...
Hey, it's my blog. I can dream, can't I?
You've been on more than a handful of dates with each other. You have no interest in seeing anyone else. You feel somewhat okay with him seeing you without make-up and you are alright leaving a toothbrush at her place. Congrat's kids! You're exclusive! Unsubscribe from all those dating websites, change that Facebook status, and tear up that card from speed dating. You don't need it.
We all aim to be at Stage 5. It is the happy place of the relationship/dating world. But the only way to get there is by going though the first 4. You can't jump through them, you cannot pass go. You have to do it. We all do. Trust me, I have tried to skip a stage before. It does not work.
I admit to rushing into relationships too quickly and either thinking there was something there or trying to make myself think that there was something between us when there clearly wasn't. Sometimes, you get so caught up in the idea of being with someone you don't really see that perhaps you are meant to be alone right now. You cannot force romance. You have to let it happen naturally. I am a big cheerleader for love. I have been sitting on the sideline a little too long, though. It is time I get back into the game. You know, before I adopt any more kittens or drink myself into a slumber off of Franzia.
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| Somebody get me a curly straw!!! NOW!!! |
Please comment and share your thoughts on dating. Follow my blog and lets see if there is a need for a Part II on dating from the Lit Chick. I know this was a little longer read than you guys are used to, but I hope you enjoyed it. I enjoyed writing it.
Have a great week guys!
