50 Shades of White...

Hey guys.  No, this is not a blog post about the Fifty Shades of Grey series.  So if you think you are going to read a posting about bodice ripping and sex, you will just have to stay tuned for another day ;) 
So...I normally don't rant about my work, and to be honest I know most of you really don't care to hear about what is going on in the wedding world (well, unless you are getting married any time soon).  But there is an epidemic on the rise and I can not keep quiet about it anymore. 
I have been a part of the wedding planning/event planning world in some fashion or another for the past 8 years, and even the most skilled Bridezilla Wranglers (like myself) are taking notice of this growing problem.  It has even crossed into the tuxedo world which is my specialty, and I am getting tired of it.  There are only so many bullets you can dodge in your day and only so many tricks you can use to put out the fires caused by a Bridezilla on the rampage!  And this time around, this wrangler is about ready to hang up her lasso and give in.  So here is the problem boys and girls.  Maybe you can help me.
Just how many shades of white are there in this world?!
I got into a discussion with my partner in crime Nicole about this subject at work and just how many shades (or rather, non-shades) of white actually exist in today's wedding world.  She actually gave me idea to blog about this and I must credit her with the awesome title.
Here are just a few, and you tell me you wouldn't go crazy over this load of bridal bullshit:
White (Oh course)
Off-white (Or ivory if you're feeling technical)
Diamond White
Soft White
Candlelight White
Eggshell White
Antique White
Anti-Flash White
Snow White
Splashed White (What the hell??)
Ecru (It's a really dirty white...it's been a bad, bad white)
Ghost White (Boo!)
Smoke White (That just sounds dirty)
Pearl White
Pale White
Magnolia White
Oleander White
Vintage White
...and my personal favorite...Hussy White...for the frisky brides!
See!  It is enough to drive even the most skilled wedding professionals mad! 
See what I mean!  When will the madness end!
Since when did the word "white" become so loose?  It's the whore of the color world! It needs to stay out of all the other shades and just be left alone.  You don't need to try and be different, you're good just the way you are. 
If I have one more bride come into my store and tell me her dress is any shade other than white or ivory my head is going to explode!  Seriously, I am going to let you in on a little secret: IT IS ALL THE SAME SHADE OF WHITE!! THERE IS NO DIFFERENCE IN THE COLOR!! I know...the image is shattered.
It is a ploy in my opinion (I really have no proof, just a theory) to make it hard on all parties involved throwing or planning a wedding for a bride and groom.  In reality, there should only be 3 colors:
Black...for the offbeat brides like my Austin friend Nicole would do.  
Eat your heart out, Vera Wang.
No more shades or names are needed!  Why make something more difficult to match?  I am tired of cracking my whip at people about this.  Consider this your warning.  Change the color back to normal and stop making dresses in that shade.  I am not the only one who feels this way.  I speak for the entire wedding community.  Don't make us break off a toasting flute and use it as a shiv.  We are for real-real, not for play-play.
You have been warned.


  1. I've got the same beef about black! Black and white means "BLACK and WHITE" and no other shades, shadows, tints or sheens! You go girl!

  2. Dear Macy,
    As a veteran of the Bridal world too, there are over 200 shades of white and over 200 shades of ivory and that does not include the blush pinks,and champagnes. Love Julie