Don't Make Me Gag On Your Swag...

Hi kids. So sorry to have been gone for so long. Work has been crazy busy and in the world of Macy, sleep > blog. But I swear that will change.

I have good reasons as to why I have been M.I.A. for the past week or so. Prom season is back in full swing and TMW is right in the middle of it. I love prom season. It keeps me young. I feel like I get to go back to high school and redo my prom again. This past week we had our first prom of the season. Not to mention this past Friday was also my first time teaching the Dress for Success class to the DECA students at Leander High School. And let me tell you, after working with prom boys for 3 years and going back to school to teach kids how to act professional in the corporate world, I have discovered one thing:

I don't get how the kids talk today.

"Dude, that sweater is BALLER."
"He has so much SWAG he's drippin' SWAGU." (Ewwww!!!)
"That song is so ILL. I mean his beats be SICK."

Baller? Ill? Swag? I'm sorry, but I don't speak tween.

What the hell happened to just using the good old slang terms that are universal? I feel like I have to learn a second language just to understand what these kids mean. I just want to walk up to them and say,"Speak English. No one understands you!" I am not much older than these kids and it makes me feel so ancient when I hear a teenage girl say, "He's so fine. He's at least worth 10 swag points." When I hear talk like this my mind starts to drift away and I go to my happy place.


Oh, happy place.

I grew up in the Clueless generation where worlds like "whatever" and "as if" were spoken every 5 seconds. I will admit, I did throw my hands up and make the "W" symbol frequently as a child, but I grew out of it...kinda.


"All the feather pens in the world can't help your slang now."

I'm old school when it comes to lingo to describe people/places/things. If I could, I would totally try and bring back the slang of the 1950's.


"My poodle skirts bring all the boys to the...er...um... malt shop?"

Hell, if I was really inclined I would try to bring back Old English.

But I don't know how to relate to these kids when they start speaking this alien language. I [thank God] grew up before the "crunk" generation. I still to this day do not understand how things can be crazy-drunk at the same time and that be a good thing. I guess what I am trying to get across is that as times change, so does the verbiage.

Our kids will probably look at us when we speak the slang of today and go:
"Your talk is so FABRIC."
"Your clothes are total DAMAGE!"
"That chick is a total TWITCH."

See. I can create my own slang words, too.

But I can't get too angry at those kids. Their slang is a valid form of expression. I wouldn't want to stifle their creativity. But remember young ones who are reading: be careful what you create. What's crunk today isn't so swag tomorrow. You dig?

I'm Audi 500.